Everyone Else
It's my valet, he's turned a very nasty colour... Hang on, I'll ask an expert.
Hannah, how green is my valet? (Believe Nothing)
Shut up and try to look
like a hotel, for gods sake! (The Dangerous Brothers)
My love pump is
broken! (Hogs of War)
I just want to go to SWINDON!!! (Four Men and a
Car)
And as we always say at the Guesthouse Paradiso: have fun, don't
go in the water if you know what's good for you, and try not to get shit on
the sheets. (Guest House Paradiso)
We English invented cold showers to
stop people from masturbating. Oh, oh, I suppose that's why you're so upset
about the lack of hot water? (Guest House Paradiso)
Ah Eddie, here are some bills. You handle them, would you, I don't want to get any damps on them. (Guest House Paradiso)
Could you keep your voice down, please?! We do have normal guests as well (Guest House Paradiso)
Pascal! Pascaahaahaal! Pascaaaaal! (Guest House Paradiso)
Excuse me, I have to deal with important guests first. (Guest House Paradiso
Feeeeb! One boiled egg! Feeeb! Hello?
One boiled! Damn! Feeeeb! One boiled... Oooh, forget the feeeb! ONE BOILED EGG. (Guest House Paradiso)
Oooh, Edward and Mrs. Simpson. I'd completely forgotten about you. (Guest House Paradiso)
There is no breakfast. You're way too fat anyway! (Guest House Paradiso)
Do shut your gab, lardass! (Guest House Paradiso)
That Romanian bastard! He's eaten all the food! (Guest House Paradiso)
Oh no, he's as mad as underpants. But don't worry, it's terminal.
(Guest House Paradiso)
You'll bloody well eat what you're given, buster! This is a restaurant and you're a minor, legally you've got no rights and I can call the police any time I like, okay? For what the lord has provided, let us be truly fucking thankful. And the same goes for you. Enjoying your meal? Good. We've got royalty coming downstairs, so just fucking behave! (Guest House Paradiso)
Sit down and eat your supper quietly like normal people! (Guest House Paradiso)
It's absolutely disgusting! (Guest House Paradiso)
Edward Elizabeth Ndingombaba, this could be our lucky day! (Guest House Paradiso)
Will you stop making those owl-noises?! (Guest House Paradiso)
Candle in the eye! (Guest House Paradiso)
Oh Eddie, if it's the police, claim all responsibility. (Guest House Paradiso)
Shut up and get back in your room, you sad old bitch! (Guest House Paradiso)
Oh, I just don't have anything to wear!
(Guest House Paradiso)
Let's get sensible...Ok!? (Guest House Paradiso)
Never-ever-bloody-anything-ever!
(Mr Jolly Lives Next Door)
Let's play a game. I go out of the room...
and then... I come back in. Have you got that? Right. I'll go first. (Mr Jolly
Lives Next Door)
This killing is hungry work, Amigo, and you and I have not yet had our elevenses. (A Fistfull Of Travellers Cheques)
God! If your IQ was any lower you'd need watering, wouldn't
you? (The New Statesman)
Where do you pick up those five guinnea words?
Anything over two syllables and you usually have to have a lie down. (The New
Statesman)
You were poor, you got ill and you died. (The New Statesman)
They put bigger brains into digital watches. (The New Statesman)
I came as soon as I heard. Good news has that effect on me (The New Statesman)
You have to laugh. (Rik Mayall Presents: Micky Love)
What
are you, theatre? Perhaps I should ask Vanessa Redgrave. But I don't know Vanessa
Redgrave. And neither do you, theatre...Or do you? (Rik live during his 20th
Century Coyote Days)
Whenever I take my spear to...the Theatre...to see
Hamlet. I ask it this question... (Rik live during his 20th Century Coyote Days)
If
you're ever near the the theatre, ask Vanessa Redgrave! (Rik live during his
20th Century Coyote Days)
What does a man with a 3 foot cock have for
breakfast? Well this morning I had a boiled egg! (Rik's standup act)
Duncan!
Post the heads to their widows. And get the addresses right this time. (Whoops
Apocalypse!)
